We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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