His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
