Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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