Screwed.edu
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
