I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
