Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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