My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
