Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
