not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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