I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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