Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
