I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
