Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
