I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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