i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
