even my farts smell like vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
