break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
there is glitter all over my balls
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