he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
