went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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