Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
