She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
