No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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