yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I pour the whiskey from now on
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
