okay pat passed out under dana's car
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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