I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
