so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
