some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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