I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
