My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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