I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
