Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have tasted many bathrooms
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
