I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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