this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
