the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
