just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
