FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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