piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
