It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
