Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
