so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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