You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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