we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
