this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
