seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
