my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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