I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
