Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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