I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
