Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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