Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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