its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
