I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
