Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
