I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
