who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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