The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
