i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
