True but thats because hes a fetus.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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