we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize