just tell him i said nine months
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Terrible idea I love it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
