Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
