around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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