I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
