I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
