I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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