my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you never un-have a 4some
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
