I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
